Beware the "baby on board"

At 11 days into this first time mother thing, I’ve suddenly realised the whole meaning of those cutsie “baby on board” signs. As a non-mother, I’d always thought they were a social statement – a way of identifying with other parents, perhaps an excuse for the daggy window coverings and a messy back seat. At worst it was a snub to those of us with fertility issues.

As a new mother, I have a whole new respect. “Baby on board” doesn’t even begin to describe the potential risk inside.  They should warn “sleep deprived and most likely hormonal parent at the wheel - being driven to distraction by screaming baby in the back – pass by with caution”. Of course, a sign like that would take up the whole back windscreen. But it’s exactly what needs to be said. Other drivers should give us “baby on boarders” as wide a berth as they do “L” platers.

Road safety research just released by Queensland University says sleep deprived new mums are as dangerous behind the wheel as drunk drivers. Whether it’s the distraction of the baby, the reduced acuity for other moving objects through a sleep deprived fog, the change in spatial awareness caused by fluxing hormones, the overly cautious paranoia to protect your child that creeps in to otherwise normal manoeuvres that make you unpredictable to other drivers... there are so many reasons to avoid new parents on the road. 

How can it be that you only find this out when you’re the one to be cautious about? It’s another classic example of the things you just don’t know until you are the new parent.  So what would a public campaign look like? Would it start in school with a forced sleep loss experiment and recordings of screeching babies for the final driver’s education class? Could it be TV spots akin to the graphic horror of the traffic accident advertisements? Does it include the extention module that requires drivers to practice talking in their most animated, sing song voice to calm the imaginary baby while driving with one hand, the other draped at the most un-natural angle across to the back seat jiggling coloured play things in desperation?

We’ve seen road rules change with the advent of the mobile phone. Do we need explicit road rules to cover no unwrapping of cheese sticks while driving to pacify a distressed infant? At least with a baby so young and totally reliant on my mamaries, I haven’t been tempted to whip one out in the middle of moving traffic, but given some of our excursions so far I can see I could be tempted in time to do anything to get to my destination with more calming speed!

So beware, the next time you see the “baby on board” sign – think of the possible angst inside the vehicle connected to it and give the driver a wide berth and a bit of grace. You never know when you may need the same.