Beware the baby whisperer

Emerging from the fogged-in brain days of new mum-ness, I’m intrigued to discover the phenomenon of the self declared baby whisperer. Up there with the people who touch your stomach in pregnancy, they are complete strangers to your baby, who step forward in those moments when your new child is publicly losing it. And your new mum ego is up for a bit of a battering. Taking the child from you, uninvited, the baby whisperer declares “I’m not scared of a crying baby. He just needs....”

Needs what? A complete stranger to bounce, jiggle, croon and smell differently from everything else that is familiar to him? Yes! Bring it on! That’s just what I’d need when I’m upset in a strange new world and overwhelmed, overtired, uncomfortable, hungry... or just plain grumpy. And if said stranger happens to jag it and the baby settles for them, you’re clearly incompetent (or at least that’s the tape that’s playing in my head!). If the baby keeps crying, he’s returned to you with “what an unsettled child – mine where never as bad as that”. Most helpful. Thank you.

At first, when these baby whisperers descended on me and my new bundle, I used to hand the baby over – assuming there must be some trick that I just wasn’t getting. That my baby was indeed better off in the hands of someone who knew what they were doing – because God knows I didn’t. Moreover, being the evolved person I want others to think I am, I couldn’t appear to be an over protective, defensive mother, could I? So, I’d watch and learn what he responded to – or didn’t, as the case may be - and evolve my repertoire.

Three months in though, my baby and I are a unit, well... almost. We’re starting to get each other. We’re in a rhythm, if not a routine, and his baby cries are making far more sense... most of the time. When we’re out and about and in the throws of a “scene” – my mothering ego is on the line. If you presume to know better and take my baby now, the primal beast in me may well be unleashed. To the true horror of my evolved side. The beast will want to say “step away from my baby” (with expletives thrown in for optimal effect). My evolved voice will gag her and I may just stare at you in horror, and then agonise later about how I could have handled it better.

To save my schizophrenic self, I have now prepared a speech. “Thank you, but we’ll be fine.” Short, and perhaps a lie, but fit for purpose. It comes with the optional extra of “i’ll settle him first and then you can have a hold”. Again, optimistic, and in control. Even if that’s the last thing I feel!

So, the moral of the story? When we’re out in public, leave me to my crying baby. Or If I need some help, I’ll ask. Oh, and note to self, as I grow in my confidence, may I never impose my baby whispering on others!